Okay, so its been a while since i last blogged.. ( Oh very well, so it's been almost a month since i last groaned 'bout my life in here..Hopefully, i have not lost my touch yet, yes?   )

         Well, so you may be wondering.. What the hell has your's truly been doing throughout the entire month of March?

         Oh, before that, kindly allow me to introduce the latest member of my..mouth..

         Namely, Wisdom Tooth Number One..! ( the bloody thing resides in my lower right jaw..  ) It has finally decided to show itself after giving me a hell lot of pain and agony throughout my SPM..  Not that it's doing any good, surfacing so suddenly like that.. ( Note: i am NOT very happy bout this new development in my molars.. )

         Apparently ( according to the dentist anyway ), the damned tooth is going to be "impacted" when it is fully out.. Now, i don't really give a damn or have the faintest idea what that meant, but his next words definitely caused some panic to set in..

This is a summary of what he said.. :

" Yes, yes, it definitely looks ready to erupt..." ( editor's note: ERUPT..???!! WTF..)

After several minutes of detailed inspection of that area :

" It's obviously impacted, bla bla...but not to worry, bla bla..remove this first, the rest can be done later... Simple, minor operation..bla bla.. "

( Argggh, shit shit shit..etc..  * continues cursing till i reach home,, )

         Okay, for a girl who's worst experience with pain was a simple blood test a really, really, long time ago, ( Heck, the poor nurse looked even more distressed than i was at the end of the whole ordeal back in form 2..  ) just the thought of injecting my gums, then sawing them out before removing my wisdom tooth was enough to make me cringe in terror...!

Let's see... Is this statement true, or false?

 " A wisdom tooth brings more wisdom to the unlucky recipient, the needle-phobic 18-year-old girl, yes? "

Answer: My arse.. ( In other words, a big fat NO...!!!  )

         Why is it called a wisdom tooth anyway? Sure, it's supposed to grow only when a person is mature enough to think and stop screwing around, etc..

         However, i am either the exception of the rule, or i have miraculosly grown up overnight, without realising it..  Now that it's almost completely out, ( impacted or not..) i feel neither wiser, nor less afraid of needles than i have always been..!

         Now, if i were to give a name to the last four molars that're supposed to.. "erupt" ( a direct quite from my dentist..), i would name them as follows:

First molar to erupt :The " Arggh, WTF Is Happening..?? " Tooth ( Accidents such as biting the dentist's hand during extremely long appointments, fainting at the sight of huge needle before surgery, kicking the nurse in fear, etc.. usually happen at this stage..  )

Second molar to erupt : The " Oh No, Not Again?? " Tooth

Third molar to erupt : The " Whatever, i Don't Care Anymore..!! " Tooth

And finally...

Fourth molar to erupt : The Wisdom Tooth...

( By now, the poor fella will probably have endured a few dental appointments too many, and would have learnt not to bite the dentist's hand when the his/her mouth is opened too wide.. )

         Ugh, at this moment, they're unable to operate on my tooth since my gums are as swollen as..as...erm.. i think i''ll leave that to your imagination..   Hehe, now i kinda hope that the swelling doesn't get better, ever...!  ( so i won't have to remove the tooth.. )

         Then again, swollen gums aren't that nice to eat with anyway, so i've decided that whatever happens, i won't really give a damn, as long as they club me over the head with a hammer before the operation..!  ( since my dad says its ridiculous to fully anesthetize me for such a minor op..  Hmph, i shall be unconcious during the op, be it by nook or by crook..! )

         Oh dear, it's already 2 a.m, and i'm working a full shift  tomorrow..! Gotta catch some sleep, shall update soon.. Night..!

* In reference to the rumours circulating that i have stopped blogging, i would like to clarify that i have most certainly NOT given up this blog, and there will definitely be more posts in the future.. ( It's just that i'm kinda tied up with work at the moment..  ) Please be patient if i'm a lil late updating, okay? Thanks..!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ( to me, that is...  )

         I know what you may be thinking.. Its so pathetic to wish yourself happy birthday in your own blog, is it not?  ( Oh well, couldn't resist it, and after all, how many times does a girl turn 18 anyway?  ) To think that now i can legally enter clubs..!!

         Lets see.. My birthday gift so far?

I HAVE A BLOODY STALKER...!!!!

         Arggh, and guess who it is? Remember the weirdo who works in the shop next to mine, the one who kept giving me that creepy smile?

         Well, i had just finished eating alone at Lot 66 ( a foodcourt in Kuantan ) today during my lunch break, when i decided to go to the toilet..

         Upon emerging from the  (horribly dirty, *bluekzz ) toilet, i saw, to my utmost horror.. IT WAS EL-CREEPO..!!!

         He was waiting for me outside, (alone ) giving that same creepy smile..  Like, WTF right?? ( i don't even wanna know HOW he knew my lunch break hours, as i was really freaking out at that point.. )

         It was too late for me to go back into the toilet ( since he'd seen me ), and i couldn't run past him either, since there was only a tiny space between us.. ( hell, i would've shoved him aside, if it weren't for that huge drain beside me, and my horrible sense of balance..  )

         So, what on earth is a girl to do in such a..predicament?

         Well, she pretends everything is all right, of course..!! Ahem, the following transcript is a direct translation of what happened when i stepped outta the damned toilet.. ( After untying one of my shoelaces, that is.. You will understand why later.. ) Enjoy..!

Me : * not looking at EL-CREEPO, pretending to retie my shoelace.. ( was hoping i could somehow limp away without looking at him, but well.. its kinda impossible to hop and tie your shoelace at the same time.. )

EL-CREEPO : Hi, remember me, Christine? How are you? ( Yikes, he actually knows my name, which bloody fool gave it to him anyway?? )

Me: Erm, i'm okay, thanks..  ( i seem to be using this sentence a lot lately.. )

EL-CREEPO : You don't speak Mandarin arh? Only English? Can i be your friend?

Me : Ah, erm.. YES, i speak English only.. ( hoping he never hears me cursing my colleagues in fluent Cantonese.. Then again, he works next door, probably eavesdroppes through the walls or somehing.. )

EL-CREEPO : Oh..actually i wanted to ask you out for lunch..Can i have your phone number? *( actually, he already has my number, i don't know how he did that either..!  )

Me: Uh.. ********** ( my phone number), if there's nothing else, i gotta go continue working, bye..!!

* i gracefully exit the scene, only to bump into a pole.. ( while turning to see if he would actually dare to follow me.. )

         Whew, what is happening to guys these days?? Why are they steadily getting creepier, and hornier?? Now, instead of a:

---> boy-meets-girl, boy-falls-in-love-with-girl, situation,

we have..

---> boy-meets-girl, boy-stalks-the-girl, and girl-gets-freaked, situation..

         *sigh*.. Oh well, as they say: "Cry a river, build a bridge, move on..!"  ( in this case, i shall literally move, if not run, and the further away from that creep, the better..! ) Like, cornering me outside a toilet?? Get a life, man..

         Anyway, my friends are throwing a surprise party for me tonight, ( okay, not really a surprise party since i know bout it, but they refuse to tell me what's gonna happen..! ) All i can do now is pray, that nothing and no one in the restaurant suffers any lasting injuries tonight..

         To the wonderful people who've conspired and planned so much for tonight, thank you, you're the wonderful friends that brighten my life..!  ( please remember though, that although i'm legally 18 now, i doubt if my parents would allow me to get drunk..Thank you!  ) With that, i conclude this post.. Night..!

P/S: At least this year, i'm gettin my most wished for birthday gift.. SLEEP...!!! Hehe, i get to sleep till whatever time i like, since today is my first day-off from work!

WHY DID I WANT A JOB SO MUCH IN THE FIRST PLACE ANYWAY???

         Okay, the good news?

---> I'VE GOT A JOB...!!! ( together with a leng zai who's still single n available..! Not that it matters..  )

---> I'm earning bout RM500 a month (if i can somehow endure the next few months, that is..)

         Now, the bad newz...

---> Working hours are terrifying..! ( morning shift consists of 10am-7pm, afternoon shift is from 1pm-10pm, and *groan* a full shift is from 10am-10pm..!! )

*Like, what's the bloody difference between the morning and afternoon shifts anyway??  

---> I'm the first girl in history to be hired there, and my colleagues are a bunch of egoistic males who rarely use their brains. ( since all their blood seems to be rushing elsewhere..don't ask..)

---> My supervisor is a grossly overweight, bloody horny fucker, who's next "takeover target" seems to be ME.

* ( he hasn't tried anything overly major yet, but everyone who works there is telling me it's only a matter of time..Like, fuck you,asshole, i'm resigning at the slightest hint of any shit from you. )

---> Because of His Horniness ("Horniness" - a newly invented word, created by Miss Christine while seething over the whole issue ) , he arranged my shifts to times only when he's free to come to our shop.

*( Then he keeps asking me if everything's okay. Like, the first few times were alright, but asking me if i'm okay for like, 15 TIMES in an hour??? And I DON'T CARE IF YOU'VE BROKEN YOUR FINGERNAIL, TOENAIL OR WHICHEVER BODY PART OF YOURS!! As far as i'm concerned, you can chop your dick off, as long as you stay away from me!)

---> There's a weirdo working next door, who's stalking me. ( No kidding, he gives that creepy stare when he passes our shop, and yesterday, he asked my name and phone number.. Like, arggh, someone help me..!!!! )

---> I don't have time to hang out with my friends anymore..!  (  i had no idea Sha visited Kiwanis Centre with Ju Vern already..! it sounded like she had so much fun, from her post in her blog.. i miss lepak-ing with them so much..  )

---> I've been promoted to being a cashier.

         Now, most people would ask, what's so bad bout being a cashier? Well, i'll let you decide after reading this scenario.. :

ME: Huh? Why must press this button, how does the machine work, etc..

HIS HORNINESS: Oh shit ( in Chinese ), you see? My fingernail broke larh.. Oh, how do you like working here? Okay arh?

ME: Yes, i'm okay working here, thank you. Now, how do i record this in the account books? Nike, Adidas separately?

HIS HORNINESS: * he either starts on totally crappy subject, or leers at me..

* repeat the conversation above several times.

            Well, how the fuck am i supposed to learn when no one is making the effort to teach me??

         When a customer actually buys something, ( which is a rare occurence, i assure you.. )  they all force me to be the cashier, and there'll be like, 4 different guys raining advice at me at the counter!

         Being the blur and easily muddlled girl that i am, i ignored everyone's advice, and proceeded to create a historical event by being the slowest cashier ever..!  ( it wasn't my fault if HIS HORNINESS was too interested in talking bout his fingernails to teach me anything, right? )

         I guess i thought things would somehow get better, as this is my first attempt at a job after all..  ( Oh, how naive can a girl get anyway?  )

         Hmph, at least i managed not to cry till today.. ( 5th day of work ) My ex picked me up at 10pm just now, and i began my greeting to him by complaining bout work, as usual.. ( i know, its a very bitchy thing to do, since he works too, but doesn't complain bout it, but i gotta let it all out somehow, right? )

         Somehow, while screaming and ranting, i suddenly started sobbing.. Hmm, must've been the accumulated stress from the past 4 days?

         Anyway, he managed to calm me down, told me to quit after a month.. We shall see.. Hopefully, HIS HORNINESS contracts an incurable disease  ( i heard stories that he dates prostitutes..  Yeah, like what girl in her right frame of mind would date him anyway? ) and dies within the next week or so..

         I conclude my depressing post for today with an advertisement..

*WANTED: PEOPLE TO COME TO FACTORY OUTLET TO VISIT CHRISTINE, WE'RE LOCATED OPPOSITE THE GRAND CONTINENTAL HOTEL, KUANTAN ( You don't have to buy anything, just accompanying me there is more than enough..! Hehe.. ) Night!

P/S : Do try this link, thankz..!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=cHrsTnE

" A stone in the hand, is worth two birds in the bush.. "

        ( Hmm.. That doesn't sound right.. )

" A bird in the hand, is worth two stones in a bush..?? "

        ( Nope, that sounds decidedly worse..!  )

Erm..

" A bird and stone in the hand, are worth a bush..?? "

         ( Oh, screw it.. )

         Hehe, whatever the saying really was, hopefully someone shall correct me in future.. Now, what i was really trying to say through that (horribly complicated) idiom above :

         As we all know, your's truly here is desperately in need of a job, be it a part-time or full-time job, involving cleaning dirty dypers, slaughtering pigs, cows, rats ( or anything you want " taken care of " basically ), digging paralyzed people's noses, ( hey, someone's gotta do it..! ), JUST GIVE ME A JOB..!!!

         Well, this time, maybe God took my prayers a lil too seriously.. Okay, this is the current situation :

Career prospect number 1 ( Nike / Adidas shops ) :

Advantages:

---> It pays a minimum of RM 530..!! ( not including commissions and bonuses..!  )

---> I get to choose one day off per week..! ( I'll take any day except Sunday, so i'l have an excuse NOT to go to church!  )

Disadvantages :

---> May have to work late night shifts

---> Haven't been interviewed yet ( but i was recommended by friends, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem, hopefully..  )

Career prospect number two ( some unknown shop nearby ) :

Advantages:

---> They definitely have a vacancy now, i can even start tomorrow if i want..! ( have another friend working there )

---> Office hours only, night shifts not needed ( not that it matters, since i cant sleep anyway, so why not earn some cash while i'm awake?  )

Disadvantages:

---> It only pays RM18 a day, and i doubt if i'l get any commision, much less a bonus..!

---> I have till tomorrow to decide if i want this job..!

         Hmm, my friend says the second job is definitely not worth it, since RM18 a day is not much if we compare it to what i'll get at Nike..

         But on the other hand, what happens if i turn down the second offer, and somehow, i don't get the first job either?? ( Then i'll feel really stupid, and start cursing myself.. which is not exactly how i imagined spending Valentine's Day this year..  )

         Oh very well, the unavoidable, long-dreaded, topic has finally arrived.. Once again, Valentine's Day has arrived, bringing with it.. hmm.. interesting opportunities? Or false hopes and more shattered illusions?

         Since this is my first Valentine's being single, i'm beginning to wonder, why all the hype bout this so-called "special" day anyway?

         Hmph, in my opinion, the media and those who'r already attached should also be considerate to those who're still single on V-Day and not over-do all the kissing, couply-thingies they keep showing on tv these few days!  ( or maybe i'm just a jealous bitch at the moment since the guy i like probably has a dozen dates or so? )

         Then again, my past experiences ( while i was attached ) on V-Day weren't that earth-shattering either. Considering that one of my exes gave me a blade as a V-Day gift. (Hmm.. Practical? He wants me to die? Or just plain weird?  )

*Maybe a coffin would've been better, then, my dear?   (* sigh* ) 

         Okay, truth is, i really needed a blade at that time, and he knew it, so he bought it as a surprise for me!  ( I remember being really touched 'cause  that meant he was obviously paying attention during my long rants and complaints on the phone.. )

         Oh, alright, i shall hold my judgment on this years' V-Day, since it only begun 2 hours ago. Who knows, i may meet my prince at the mall later?  ( NOT that i'm going to specifically "buaya" anyone there, but rather, i'm going to..erm..look for more jobs! Hehe, yeah right..  )

         Lastly, to everyone out there, whether you're single or attached, i wish you a HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY..!!  ( If you're attached, try not to gloat at those less-fortunate, kay? And if you're not, try not to murder any of your friends who are..! )

* My mom has started screaming at my grandma again. This is a good sign, cause it means my grandma is able to walk a lil now, and resume stealing cookies from the kitchen!

" When the going gets tough, the tough gets...? "

Diarrhea, of course...!!!

         Ugh, as you've probably guessed by now, i've got a severe case of diarrhea.. i always get diarrhea when i'm stressed out, ( imagine 3 weeks of non-stop "lau-sai" during my SPM!  ) plus a steadily-climbing fever, so i'm kinda drifting between realities at the moment..  (Please bear with me as i try to sort out my thoughts here..  )

         Before i forget, i wanna say a huge SORRY to all the people that i had to cancel plans with.. (Things have been a lil rough lately..)

         Well, my (Kuantan) grandmother's not feeling so good again.. During Chinese New Year last week (when i was in KL), i got a call from home, telling us that she nearly fainted, and vomitted a  lot..  (She usually bounces back after a few days, but this time..things don't look so good. )

         I hear my dad downstairs, preparing the new wheelchair we bought for her. ( I'm going down to help out as soon as i finish this ) Prior to this, she always insisted on walking everywhere, even whacking my mom when we suggested buying her a walking stick!  

         Then again, my grandma's already 90-plus years old, and i realize that no one can last forever.. Most of my grand-aunts who're much younger than her have already "gone", and my parents say it's a miracle she's outlived them all!

(* Oh my God, from what i can hear now, my whole family is taking turns wheeling each other downstairs!  Hehe, probably to make her feel comfortable bout it..)

         Back when i was in kindergarten, i was a real brat to my grandma on 2 occasions.. ( I vaguely remember thrashing her room once, and offering her an apple, then eating i myself.. ) As i grew older, ( i.e, grew a brain ), i realized how terribly wrong i was at those times. However, it was already too late to apologize to her, since :

--> she's completely deaf, ( my skills at sign-language wasn't adequate in this case )

--> i don't want to remind her what happened almost a decade-and-a-half ago..

         So how do i live with my guilt? Since the day it ( "it", being true guilt, remorse, regret.. ) hit me about 6 years ago, i have tried everything to make her as happy as possible, by taking care of her when she fell sick, watching television with her ( even though it was some Thailand soap opera ), listening to her stories bout the Japanese Occupation, staying up late into the morning when she had those horrible cramps thoughout my SPM, ( my whole family, including the maid, was sick, and i was the only one still standing..) and lately, being her pert-time walking stick and nurse..

         When i went to KL for almost the whole of december last year, my parents told me that she was extremely worried, and kept asking them where i was, did i go to KL to study so soon, when i was coming back, etc.. (My parents were kinda puzzled by this, cause she's never displayed such affection before.. They said she was really attached to me.. )

         Nevertheless, does all that lessen my ever-increasing guilt now that she's so frail?

No, it DOESN'T HELP ME ONE DAMNED BIT!! ( and i doubt if the guilt will ever go away.. ) 

          At the moment, i can barely walk myself, how am i supposed to feed and help my grandma around?? ( spent the whole afternoon alternately sleeping and bringing her around in the house cause everytime i got up to go sleep upstairs, she would ask where i was going.. )

         Now the last time i ever felt so helpless was when my dad had a relapse of vertigo, ( something similar to dizzyness, only much worse ) and my mom completely broke down, my sister was in KL ( working, of course ) and i had to dig out the family history myself, worry bout the insurance claims, make nidnight visits to the E.R,  pacify anabsolutely useless mom, she kept talking sprouting nonsense bout a tumour, and blaming everything on ME!!!  ( Like,hello?? How the f*** did i suddenly get the gift to cause vertigo to others?? ) and all that a mere week from my SPM! ( Okay, i'll admit that i'm a last-minute worker, so sue me..)

         Why must we die? Although i've had relatives pass away many times before, i didn't really know them very well. Also, my parents were always careful to find excuses to avoid me attending funerals.. ( i wonder why? )

         As a result, i have no idea what happens when someone close to you dies, probably i'll lose my head completely, and start screaming " F*** YOU!!! " at everyone attending the funeral in church..  Now that's one Mass i don't wanna play the organ for..

Mum : bla bla bla..( * Chinese word for bitch ) like you..bla bla..awful clothes..bla bla..inviting rape, useless daughter..no future..bla bla..

Me : Like, whatever..

* i'm not even listening, i'm watching a music video..

Hey, isn't that a lil harsh, u may ask?

         Well, think again. Which mother compares her own daughter to a prostitute anyway? Not to mention screaming and swearing in all languages.. ( at me, who else! )

         All that, and worse, just because i wanted to go hiking with my friend tomorrow! In moments like this, i really wish i was back in KL..!! ( Then again, nothing great waiting for me over there either.. )

         Thing i hate the most is, she keeps bringing up that stupid letter i wrote to her and my dad during this camp i attended last year.. ( we were asked to write what we really feel after several days at camp, and that kinda sentimental stuff) In between cursing at me, she keeps mentioning that bloody letter! ( Just cause i wrote how much i cared for them, and how sorry i was for being such a bitch at home.. )

         It was just a momentary slip up okay? (Damned atmosphere at camp must've softened me up, i didn't even want to write the stupid letter in the first place!!  ) All i intended to do was put the empty paper into the envelope, and give it to the facilitators, who'd then mail it to our parents.

         Unfrotunately, curiosity got the better of me, so i had to take a peek at what the others were doing.

*  In this case, "curiosity did not kill the cat", it made the cat write a letter she later regretted writing, and then it dug the cat's grave and pushed her into it..  (Hehe, try saying that last sentence very quickly..! )

         Anyway, to my utmost horror, i saw that most of them already had tears leaking out ( the letter-writing only started 5 minutes ago!  ), while a few guys were actually sniffling into tissues! Like, huh??

         Well, being the very unsentimental, unemotional, insensitive bitch that i was, i decided to give the letter-thingie a shot..

(After all, worst that could happen would be me laughing hysterically at the crap i wrote, then ripping the paper apart, right? )

WRONG..! SO DAMNED WRONG..!!

         In the end, i joined the throng of weeping people, and ended up asking for a tissue as well..! Hmph, so much for not crying..!  

         Speaking of which, my nose (which got banged during camp * tears..) has begun throbbing again yesterday.. ( By now, its agony to touch the bridge of my nose.. )

         Its been almost a month since the accident, what if that idiot who banged me fractured something in there?? Grr, medical advice anyone?

         Oh dear, i didn't intend to blog all those depressing thoughts down.. It was supposed to be a happy post, one bout how Chinese New Year has expanded my stomach (again) , an interesting lunch at Sunway Pyramid with a cool girl who's also a great listener, the Chinese New Year party at my house a few nights ago, and a few other happy thoughts..

         Right, i'll try to salvage what's left of this post..   ( Special thanks to the guy who called jus now and cheered me up immensely! )

Ahem.. the Chinese New Year Party..  ( at my house )

A huge round of THANK YOU's to all who came and made the party come alive, and made it till the end still alive.. ( erm, hopefully it was as fun for all of you as it was for me ), and especially to.. :

SEE JU VERN-  Thanks for coming early, getting the drinks ready, lending me your digital camera, and making conversation with those who felt a lil left out while i rushed around playing hostess..!

Pei Shan- Thanks for the delicious cookies and oranges you brought!

Shia Tsan- Muax, thanks for helpin me clear up the orange juice spills..!

SHALINNI GUNENDRAN- Thank you so much for calming down the extremely neurotic hostess just before everyone arrived..

( God only knows what would've happened if i had lost my head completely and went round greeting everyone with a "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" greeting..  )

Hehe, it was my first time organizing an impromptu party in my house.. Thoughts running through my head just before people started arriving?

10 minutes before the the crowd decended onto my house..

---> Shit, what happens if nobody shows up?? ( Damn embarrassing right, if you call everyone and no one turns up? )

5 minutes later..

---> Oops, what if too many people show up, and i don't have enough cookies?? (i was actually halfway running to the door, intending to buy more food when one of my friends' called and screamed that i had enough food to feed an entire army..  )

Less than a second later..

---> What am i gonna do with all these people??  Oh no, what if they just sit there all night, staring at me in an awkward silence??

---> Oh wait, what if they're too noisy instead, and if the guys start playing football and break something??

.........

        ( Well, the party wasn't really as nerve-racking as i thought it would be, probably because most of them knew each other anyway, with the exception of a few people.. )

         Altogether, i'd say it was an okay party..  Oh, ,and a huge thanks to those who came, whom i forgot to mention their names above.. ( Really sorry, cause my memory's pretty bad.. )

         Oh wow, its 3am as usual.. Guess i'll go eat some cookies, then watch a movie before sleeping..  Night!

Recently editted: * For a detailed account of the party,  please visit shalinni's blog, www.imagesofme.blogdrive.com..

Hehe, this was my favourite sentence from her latest post:

" Christine was telling the story of me getting my navel pierced and when she reached the part where the blood oozes out and Setinna asks what horror movie she was describing "

..Announcement..?

The author of this blog shall throw up if anyone offers her more food, cookies, chocolates, or everything else edible.. 

         Yup, i've once again committed 2 of the 7 DEADLY SINS.. That would be..GLUTTONY and SLOTH..   ( *sigh* ) It can't be helped you know, what with such delicacies being offered at every house we visit, and gross lack of self-control on my part.. 

         Now i shall suffer the consequences of gluttony, as i'm currently having indigestion, and feeling very bloated. ( in other words: constipated ) As for the sin of sloth-ing, ( is there even such a word?? ) we'll all know soon enough, since my scream when i weigh myself next week will be enough to make the dead come running after me.. ( at the moment, i've hidden my sister's weighing machine beneath a broken table.) Oh well, what would Chinese New Year be without the totally stoned looks of people ( okay, just me then..  ) who've eaten too much and can't be bothered getting up from the couch?

*   Skip the next paragraph if you're feeling particularly happy (or drunk ) and have no wish to read about depressing family histories.. ( or lack of it, in my case )

         Celebrations aside, i'm actually very stressed out now.. ( besides being bloated, that is.. ) Reason why? My family is visiting an extremely important aunt tomorrow morning. She's important cause she is the only link i have to my real family. ( She was the one who brought me to my current family ) Since i'm turning 18 soon, i feel that its finally time to know what my real parents look like, how many brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, and uncles that i have, my medical history, and such stuff.. ( to those who've been gifted with slightly er..lagging..wits, let me simplify that : i'm adopted )

         How does one even begin to ask about her real, but unknown family? What would they look like?? I was only about 2 days' old when i was given to my current family, and we had no contact with them ever since.. There were some who claimed to understand how i feel about the whole thing. Truth is, i'm still very confused myself, so how would you know what i go through?

         Imagine then, knowing you were adopted ever since you were young, but nothing else bout your real family? Wondering if every stranger you meet could actually be related to you? Or worse, what about some weird genetic disease that you may be ignorant about, that can affect you in future? Only someone who has had such questions running through her head almost her entire life will understand what its really like to be me. As for tomorrow, i shall just have to wait and see, i guess.. Bye!

P/S : Another reason why i wanna know how my real family members look like would be to avoid marrying my own brother in future..!  Now that would be a tale worth telling..

         Hmm, the eve of Chinese New Year.. Eagerly awaited by some, terribly dreaded by others.. (Usually dreaded by those who'r already married but without kids yet.. ) Hehe, i used to be one of those who really hated Chinese New Year. Amazingly, not even the thought of receiving money could cheer me up! Reason why?

My mortal fear of lion dances.

      Yeah, go ahead and laugh.. But i assure you, it was no laughing matter back then, 'cause whenever Chinese New Year drew near, the slightest hint of drums ( even if it was actually a Chinese funeral passing by ), and i would flee (screaming pitifully) into whichever room, storeroom, (or er, toilet.. ) that's furthest away from the offending drums! Oh, how i lived in terror each time the end of January drew near.. ( Especially when i was forced to listen to the annual lion dance held outside SFX church in KL..!  ) Till today, i have no idea why i used to be so petrified of those damned drums.. ( Thankfully, i got over it bout 6 years ago ) 

         But enough of my.. interesting.. childhood.. What does Chinese New Year really mean to me anyway? Hmm, the tedious process of exchanging rotten oranges, dried seafood ( a.k.a dead and smelly shrimp, salted fish, etc.. ) That is, untill you cook it, then it becomes yummy and not so disgusting anymore!

         But WHY must we exchange 'angpows', oranges, expired chocolates, etc.. anyway? Based on what i've observed throughout the 17 years, ( okay, maybe just the last decade or so..) Chinese New Year is essentially just a season where:

--->  you're forced to do last-minute spring cleaning. ( by throwing everything under

        the bed and telling mom your room's clean )

--->  you bake dozens of cookies and watch them practically inhaled when

        guests ( who happily pop your painstakingly-made-cookies into their

        mouths!  ) arrive.

--->  you hurriedly wash your hair on the eve of Chinese New Year, and greet

       people with a forced smile the next day, wondering if your hair looks flat or oily.

      ( Since tradition says you can't wash your crowning glory on the 1st day of

        Chinese New Year )

       * Thank goodness its only the first day, imagine if we

         weren't allowed to wash our hair for the entire 14 days!! * Shudder..*

--->  you run around filling pretty red plastic bags with oranges, bottles of cookies,

         chocolates and fruits ( to be given to your guests ) , and receive an almost

       similar bag from your guests in return for your efforts.

         * I swear there was one year where i got really pissed at my mom for giving away a box of Ferraro Roche's ( which someone gave us in the first place ), only to discover the next day that another bunch of guests had visited later on and they gave us the exact box that i was sulking over! Talk bout the pointlessness of the merry-go-round of giving gifts huh?

         At this very moment, both of my aunts are screaming at my ( very, very deaf ) grandmother. ( poor thing.. ) It happens every year, so we're kinda used to it by now.. And the reason for this ( by ' this ' , i mean the screaming ) spectacular waste of energy, time and saliva? They're Buddhists you see, and they have some special rituals/prayers when it comes to Chinese New Year. Now, before my grandmother fell down, she used to get ready all the food, joss sticks, and stuff herself. Now that she can't walk by herself, she relies on my aunts and the maid to prepare them instead. Unfortunately, she keeps changing her mind bout how to prepare what, thus annoying those in the kitchen when they can't tell her why it can't be done, since she can't hear them..!

         Despite all my grumbling, i guess Chinese New Year isn't that bad after all.. True, i'll probably regain all the weight i lost the past few days ( imagine if i went from 47.5 kgs back to 52kgs.. Oh, the horror!  ) Hehe, despite all that, would i ever miss a good old traditional Chinese New Year celebration ( where eating, sleeping and receiving 'angpows' is the main agenda throughout all 14 days! ) with my family? *burpz* Hell, no!

*          The author of this blog doesn't strictly follow the old customs of the Chinese since her immediate family members are Chistians, while there is an uncertain mixture within the rest of her extended family. For example, she would like to stress that definitely washes her hair on Chinese New Year's Day! ( Otherwise, there would be a mass shortage of air-fresheners when guests come to visit. )

         With that, i end my post tonight, wishing all of you reading this a very HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! To those who wanne collect 'angpows' from my parents, i'm currently in KL now, so gimme a msg or email for the address.  Bye!

A conversation to remember.. ?  NOT..!!

Guy ( whispers shyly ) : I love you.. I miss your smile.. Will you be my gF? When can

                                      i see you again??

Girl (who has a tiny crush on the guy) : Umm, i'm sorry but you've gotta give me

                                                              some time, so we can get to know each

                                                              other a lil better.. Why the rush anyway?

Guy:  .........

* an uncomfortable silence that lasts a few minutes ensues..

Girl: Hello? Are you still there? Its not that i don't like you or anything, i think you're

        really nice, but... it's just too fast.. Do you understand what i'm trying to say?

Guy : Umm, well, why can't we get to know each other after you say yes? Don't

         worry, i have one day off per week. I'll travel by bus to visit you then..!

Girl: I'm really sorry, but i feel that we should definitely not rush things.. How bout

        taking things slowly,  okay?

Guy:  Yeah, sure. I'll think about it.. Umm, ya know what? i think i've gotta go..

          Sorry kay? Take care, Bye!

* End of phone conversation..

       Bewildered girl is left staring at the phone, wondering if she made the right choice by rejecting the cute guy who asked her.. Cute, yes, but he was still someone new, a virtual stranger to her! (i.e, someone who hadn't gained her trust yet )

         As she lay awake that night, she thought of her decision.. All she wanted, was to know if his heart was as good as his looks, and how far would he make the effort to get to know her better as the weeks went by. ( After all, the wait would be worth it if he was really as great as he seemed.) The first few weeks, he called occasionally and she managed to get a glimpse of his life..

         What she saw worried, and even confused her, however. There was just too much intensity, and no moderation what-so-ever! The guy seemed to live by the old proverb, " Work hard, play hard ". ( When he wasn't working hard, he was partying hard..) He didn't seem to find anything odd about coming home at dawn, or finishing a box of cigarettes a day..

         After a while, the girl began to wonder, if his actions really were the norm of the people where he lived. Perhaps her own standards were too high, then? However, she had made her choice, that is, her own values would come before other's, and so she tried to forget him. It shouldn't have taken her such a long time to do something as simple as that, (since his sudden coldness and lack of calls hurt and confused her even further), but it did. The worst was, he kept alternating between pestering the girl for her answer, ( as he didn't accept her "No" the first time he asked her ) and ignoring her completely.

         She couldn't take it anymore, as it was slowly driving her mad. And so, with the help of her best friends, she began to forget the past, and let go. It wasn't easy, but soon her bitterness faded away, and she began to laugh again. She also learnt ( the very hard way ) the invaluable lesson that talk is cheap, as actions speak louder than words.. Sometimes she wonders, if most of them out there are jerks just as he was, and she lapses into cynicism and dry humour once more..

THE END

* DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS IN THE STORY TOLD ABOVE ARE

                         COMPLETELY FICTIONAL..! THEREFORE, ANY RESEMBLANCE

                         BETWEEN THE CHARACTERES ABOVE AND PEOPLE IN REAL

                         LIFE WAS PURELY INTENTIONAL. THANK YOU FOR READING!

Question that's on my mind at the moment...

" Is it normal for an insomniac to lose her appetite after several sleepless nights?? "

         Hmm.. On the other hand, is it normal to have several sleepless nights at all? I wasn't always plagued by insomnia you know.. Once in a while, i would actually manage to be dead to the world by 1 or 2 a.m..! ( *sigh* ) Anyway, back to my question.. It's kinda weird, cause all of a sudden, yesterday, i completely lost my appetite!! Like, wtf?? Eating used to be my favourite past-time ever since..forever! ( especially since going for that camp, i've now learned the true value of fast-food!  ) Oh well, bright side is... I'm now 48.5 kgs...!!!! Hehe, to some people, it may not be much, but i think going from 53 kgs to 48.5 kgs is major accomplishment, right?  ( Then again, hope i start eating normally soon, and not become anorexic, bulimic, or anything worse..  )

         Oh, wait, i did eat today..!! Totally forgot that i had some "chicken fingers" that my friend, Sha, offered me this afternoon.. Hehe, i know, "chicken fingers" sound kinda gross, but its actually normal chicken nuggets, only in bite-sized pieces..! ( I was a lil surprised at first since i've never heard of it before.. ) Spent an amazingly enjoyable and refreshing time at Sha's this whole afternoon.. Umm, even fell asleep ( for almost an hour..! ) while Sha watched reruns on Astro.. It was really sweet of her to invite me over, since she knows i still need loads of activities to keep me sane ( for now anyway ), and at the same time, someone who's willing to hear me complain and sob over my unfortunate life. After ranting bout a certain someone to Sha, (and both of us alternately cursing that someone.. ) , i felt so damned tired that i dozed off almost immediately.. Guess she thought i needed to sleep pretty badly ( due to worsening insomnia ) so i only woke up blearily when my dad called..Thank you so much Sha, words cannot express how grateful i am to you..!    ( and also to my friends who've helped me in some way or another, luv you guys to pieces!  *especially those who tried "intro-ing" me to new people.. )

         I shall be going to KL for a week the day after tomorrow..( for Chinese New Year ) Now, i'm not sure whether to laugh, or to cry since life seems to hand me perfectly good opportunities at the worst damnest times..! Ironically, the very reason i wanted to go to KL so much is now the one reason why i loathe going there! ( the less said bout that, the better.. )

         Oh, its only 1.50 a.m.. What should i do now? Hmm, guess i could always go improvise the songs for band practice tomorrow morning..And as usual, i havn't even opened the list of songs i'm supposed to play! ( Procrastinator i shall be, no matter what else changes in my life.. ) After that, it'll be watching a movie in the afternoon! Then i'll have to rush home to pack at night, since i'll be leaving the following morning.. ( Hehe, see what i mean bout me leaving everything till the last minute? ) Kay, i'm gonna go look for my music sheets now, er.. think i lost them somewhere during the last practice..Oopz..!   Bye..!